Binge-Purge: starting over in the Crossdressing world
Binging and purging, so is the dilemma of your cross dressing
Out with the old, in with the new: new beginnings There is a seven-letter word which most cross dressers hate to hear. It can cause stress and upset, concern and trepidation. The thought of doing it can also cause great distress—albeit that many crossdressers believe that they have no choice in the matter, and it is something that they just have to do.
Yet, once done, it can be something which eventually offers new hope; the chance of a new beginning; a rejuvenation and fresh start. Of course, the positive aspects are not readily apparent, and it may take some time before our crossdresser realizes that, no matter what, he will always be a crossdresser—and the chances of permanently giving up his favorite, most enjoyable pastime are virtually zero!
The seven-letter word I refer to? In case you haven’t guessed, it’s p-u- r-g- i-n- g… All that time spent collecting such beautiful En Femme items, all the pleasure from wearing them and, of course, all of the money spent in pursuit of getting the look that you were aiming for just right; all in pursuit of the perfect image of femininity! All gone in a few hours of despair, disillusionment and even, can I say, madness!
In some ways purging is like having a dull toothache; the thought nags and nags at your brain. You may not really want to go to the dentist but usually sooner or later you give in and go. The same with purging… deep, deep down in your heart and soul you probably don’t really want to do it… but…
While not every crossdresser goes through the often painful and distressing process of purging, from my experience there is a very high percentage of girls who do—and most of whom subsequently seriously regret their actions.
Mind you, it’s not always that it’s an impulsive decision to purge and many crossdressers think long and hard about it before deciding to put all of their beautiful dresses and skirts, tops and sweaters, accessories, shoes, make-up and underwear in the garbage or give them away to a deserving charity or two.
What drives many cross dressers to get rid of their assembled En Femme finery? Their stash of goodies… their pride and joy…
Well, most girls I’ve talked with who do or have purged have a deep-seated guilt about their dressing. The secrecy, the feeling that what they are doing is not right; the feeling that, in some ways, they are betraying their loved ones; that they are doing something which generally society at large does not look favorably on and many less well- informed, less-open minded people will not condone.
For such girls it’s often a gradual build-up of anxiety and concern until such time as they cannot take the stress of thinking about purging any more and simply do it; and most promise that they will never, ever never buy or dress in female clothes again! How wrong most of them are!
Almost without exception the need to cross dress will re-appear; the female within will raise her head and, whether it be 1 month, 1 year or several years, it’s almost guaranteed that the woman in us will return. And usually return with a vengeance; her power greater than ever before; the overwhelming desire to buy as many beautiful clothes from En Femme as we can, the desire to be complete again!
So, while for some, purging is a necessary evil along the road of their crossdressing journey, it’s also possible to look at the rebirth of our crossdresser in a positive light. She has the chance to start again; the chance to build up a brand new wardrobe, from underwear to wigs, from breast forms to make-up… skirts, dresses and so on. What a wonderful opportunity to rebuild yourself style wise, what a great chance to remodel and reinvent your feminine alter ego, using all of the things you had learned previously but maybe had never had the chance to put into practice.
It can be said that purging provides a chance for a new beginning, a new start—and all without the hang-ups, problems and angst associated with the old you! Now, finally, you know better; and, certainly, now you know she is here to stay (forever)…
So….I have been dressing since I was 12 yrs old. Started out with my mother's lingerie, and as they were too big for me, I quickly realized that my sisters things fit me better as she is only 5 yrs older than me. Anyway that's how I got started cross dressing. Fast forward 40 yrs and I still dress when I get the chance. Which, being married, that doesn't come to often. Anyway…I wish that I had all of the clothes, wigs, shoes, ect… That I have purged over the years. I would more than likely have a much bigger wardrobe than 90% of the GG's out there.
So about the reasons I have purged more times than I can count. Its not out of guilt, well maybe at first it was. But I have moved past the feeling guilty phase. No, now a days it more about the storage room. Meaning, I have limited space that I can somewhat effectively hide my desire. So when I start running out of space, well….I either have to quit buying, or I have to purge. And since I love to buy pretty and sexy outfits, lingerie, and shoes….well it turns out to be the latter of the two. This has been my dilemma for yrs and yrs. I thought about renting a very small storage unit, but there is that chance of my wife finding out a. And although sometimes I wish I could come out to her about it…I don't think she would be supportive of it. My first wife was supportive and would even buy me things, but as the yrs went by and the internet got more expansive, she grew tired if it and wanted me to quit. So I got rid out everything. But Dawn was still there, she want out from time to time. So I went to buying clothes and whatnot, and thus began the adventures of having to hide my stash. She found it a few times and to the trash it went. That was not the whole reason for my divorce, but it was a major part of it.
So I have been hiding my things ever since then. And purging has become a staple in Dawn's world. I hate when that time comes around, and maybe someday I won't have to hide and purge, but until that day comes…..I will refine my collection every few yrs.
This is so relatable…I find myself reading this and looking back at how many cute things I have bought and discarded over my 47 years of life. I have such regret over not taking control of my life and being the girl I have always known that I truly am. I never “fit” as a guy and always enjoyed dressing in pretty dresses and cute shoes but then would think ..is there something wrong with me? I am a man ..then the purge would begin and I would be left again with no female clothes. But the woman in me would eventually come back and the cycle would begin again …
Today I write this as I want to end the purge and be the woman I know I am..there is nothing wrong with me…I am female just born in the wrong body…
It's interesting to read this article because "purging" is the same word I've been using for nearly 40 years. I've gone through 5 full "phases" in wardrobes, all of which I've chronicled. I'm currently in phase 6 (or the 6th chapter) of wardrobes, having purged most of the clothes every time from the other 5 phases over those years. I, like others who have written here, have regrets about having rid of some (not all) of my clothes. While guilt was never the reason for purging it was more of being afraid that my wife would find out. I knew it would cost me my marriage if she did . . . and it did. Twice! Anymore these days I no longer need to purge but choose to rid of clothing, refering to it as "refining" my attire. Being divorced I no longer worry about my clothes being found but rather have the desire to rid of things that no longer fit as well as they once did. I choose to find things I find attractive and, as Charlene states, fit my age better. (While I loathe "old lady" clothes I see so many women my age wear, I also don't particularly enjoy looking at 60+ year old women in short skirts or mini-dresses. So why would I think someone wants to see ME in one, even if I were more passible?) So these days when I shop I do so looking for things I really like, that fit well and I know I'll be comfortable wearing when out. I'm past the days of buying just to wear around the house (fantasizing in the mirror). And as I do buy I usually try to swap out something in the closet that no longer fits well or that I realistically know I'd never wear out in character (en femme) and let it go. There are articles of clothing I sorely miss, wishing I had never rid of them. But there's nothing now I can do about that. I just focus now on refining a great (non-old lady) wardrobe while being smarter about it, and enjoying even more my days out.
Hi! This is my first time opening up to my inner self. As you can see I don't even have my real name. However, this article really touched me. For so many years I've been living a life. I want so to to open up and be who I dream of. But I know my wife and others would never understand. The only things I've done for very short periods of time is to wear panties, pantyhose and once I did buy a cheap pair of heels. But only wear for very short periods of time. One of my favorites is to wear lipstick. That I can apply and remove quickly when I have to. But ideally would love to dress up and see what I think I could become. My only Joy is to wear my panties everyday and wear my lipstick when I can. Your article has given me hope and yes maybe even courage to take further steps. Thank you!!
I have purged twice and both times the world became a horrible place and I felt lost so I decided I was going to do it properly and came out and said im going to live as a woman , next march that will ten years and my only regret is I took so long to do it
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