Six key questions to ask yourself about your crossdressing

 crossdressing questions and advice - where are you

Six key questions to ask yourself to help you determine where you really are at with your cross dressing

I’m sure almost every cross dresser will agree that they are on an exhilarating, eventful, quite extraordinary journey.

However, our journeys may not all be the same in terms of actually how or how quickly we move along or progress. For most of us there are lots of extraneous factors, personal or internal issues and so on and, so, our journey is never a straight road. We don’t perpetually move along at a forty-five degree angle from a standing start, more like up a little; stop and plateau; up a bit more, stop and plateau. At times, maybe we even take a few steps backwards before continuing onwards and upwards.

Our journeys are also unlikely to be without pitfalls, problems and doubts; regrets and recriminations (if we are found out) and maybe even purges (ugh!)—as well, of course, as the indescribable joy and wonder at how we can transform ourselves in our En Femme finery time after time into a very presentable, attractive female…

Every now and then, I know quite a number of us will stop and reflect on what we have achieved, how far we have come—and maybe even contemplate or try to guess where our cross dressing journey will eventually take us. At such times, questions and yet more questions pop into our minds, some of which are recurrent, some of which are new.

From others I have spoken with, the most common questions include:

  • Do you still cross dress to the same extent as you did when you first started? As we all know, it’s almost impossible to stop cross dressing; for those who purge (not a nice thought!), no matter how many times they do so, the need/urge still comes back. For most who have been cross dressing for 2 or 3 or more years, it’s likely that you may have started with just wearing a bra, panties and hosiery… but now feel the need to fully cross dress with make-up and wig and accessories. I’d guestimate that over 80% who started with the underwear basics, now fully cross dress…
    Indeed, you have moved on!

  • How does the quantity of female clothes (from En Femme or other sources) you own relate to the number of male clothes you possess? Almost certainly anyone who has been cross dressing for more than 3 or 4 years will likely answer that the number of male clothes they possess pales in comparison to the number of female outfits, not to mention shoes, accessories and other related paraphernalia; in my case I think the ratio of female to male clothes is something like 25:1…. really!
  • Have you ever contemplated or undertaken minor (or even major) cosmetic surgery to make you feel and look more feminine? Many cross dressers I know initially say they’ll never contemplate or do any such cosmetic surgery and the next thing you know they’ve been for laser treatment for facial hair removal or had a nose job or reduction of their Adam’s apple—but often maintain the associated denials that it’s anything to do with feminizing themselves! Some ask whether having full body waxing or ears pierced count?
    Anyway, when you answer, don’t be shy, you can tell all of our readers what you’ve done ☺
  • Comparatively, do you spend more time cross dressed or think more about cross dressing than you did, say, 3 years ago? I know it’s very difficult for anyone who is still buried in the closet and whose personal circumstances mean they can only snatch rare opportunities to dress but, from what I can see, as most cross dressers make progress they learn to better manage the time available to them to dress.
    They’ll know the routines of their family (if they have one) and when they can make time to dress; they may join a group for regular meetings or outings or may have reached a time in their lives when their children have grown up and left home and/or they no longer have a spouse. Cross dressers are highly adept at finding time, and more time, to dress—often taking risks and chances to indulge.
    I’m betting this is a big yes answer for most readers.
  • Have you gradually been breaking your own personal taboos such as vowing never to go out of the house cross dressed or going out in daylight rather than only at night? If you are honest and think back to your early days dressing, there were things you vowed or promised yourself you would not do—either because of you were too scared to do them or simply lacked the confidence. Now, when you strut down the aisles of the local shopping centre or slip into restaurants alone or with a group of friends, beautifully dressed in your new En Femme outfit, take a moment to pause and reflect on all the personal taboos you have broken.
    Anyone want to claim they haven’t broken their taboos?
  • Have you ever plotted a short holiday or vacation to spend a few days or even a week en-femme? Of course you have! This must be one of the top dreams of any cross dresser; just imagine, being able to take a few days away from the pressures of work and life, escaping from the prying eyes of family and friends and spending a few days or longer presenting and living as a female. For many it is the ultimate experience—yet it can be very hard work and helps you realise just how hard it is to constantly present as a well-dressed, attractive woman.

I’m sure any of our readers can add another dozen or so questions which cross dressers should be asking themselves about their life-long, unpredictable and amazing journey—but one thing is for sure: you are definitely not the same woman you were when you first started out surreptitiously slipping on your first bra and panties all those years ago…..


20 comments


  • Steven

    do i still cross dress the same or more yes i do, the amount of clothing to male is omg way more female then male, have i ever considered, yes i have considered but i’ll be honest i want to keep my penius, yes i do think about it more and do more then i did three years ago, yes i have been dressing in the day time and sorta letting people see what i wear if they look hard enough, i am an over-the-road truck driver and i try to wear short shorts while driving and even bras and false breasts even started taking pueraria mirifica to see what hormone replacement therapy works


  • angela

    1.Yes like most crossdressers and transgirls I express my female side to a greater extent then when I first started. At 11 with access to my mother's and younger aunt's wardrobe I discovered and explored this wonderful world. My parents stopped me when I was 14.At 24 and now living on my own I picked up where I had left off. I had the freedom to develop all aspects of my female persona; wardrobe, makeup, hair, demeanor, walking, gestures until a female identity emerged after much effort.

    2. My female wardrobe far surpasses what is left of my male wardrobe. For example; I have two pair of male shoes for work but I have 25 pair of female shoes of a variety of styles.
    3. I have had electrolysis to remove what little chin hair and upper lip hair I had. In general I do not have much body hair but do shave my legs and armpits. I let my hair grow long almost immediately when I left home. My future plans include some FFS nose, brow bone and forehead reduction and finally HRT non op.

    4. I spend the same amount of time en femme as I did 3 years ago, if not more. I am 16/7 8 hours in male mode for work. I do go out mostly to clubs and bars restaurants and a local social group.

    5. Yes. I spent one year refining and perfecting my female side before I felt I was ready to go out in the regular world first at night then gradually some day things. When I go out it's usually with other tg friends or if I have a date. That is another taboo I have broken. I finally came to terns with my sexuality after some careful contemplation,
    I'm in a very happy place at this point of my life.

    6 I have taken small vacations to SF, LA and San Diego mostly for trans conventions, pageants and night clubs. I feel very happy to be exploring this life and so many doors have been open in to this universe since I first started going out.


  • carl/colleen

    well not sure what to say just have fun and beee safe been dressing for over 20 years i can remember the 1st catalogue from best value products lol a nother story


  • Susan

    I started with petticoats when I was 6, when I was in my teens I raided my mother's and sister' s underwear drawers. I started doing karaoke when dressed back in the '90s and was asked to participate in a drag show. In 2002 I was designated Ms Gay Pride Colorado Springs, in 2010 I got a female tag on my drivers license. I ran for office as a woman in 2012, 2014, and 2016, doing better each time. I think I have progressed in leaps and bounds. No surgery yet (I can't afford it) but I have had laser treatments.


  • Robert

    Kathy,
    I've read all your articles over a year now, and, I'm continually amazed at your grasp on the "cross-dresser/transgender mind"! How do you know us so well? Incredible!!! However your insight came about, I can only say I am so grateful for it! You always hit it on the mark! You make me so much more comfortable in "Who I am."!

    Thanks so much!!!

    Love,

    Robert, aka "Jackie"

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