Me and Him: Two Souls, One Body

Me and Him - crossdress alter ego

Me and Him: Two Souls, One Body

Many of us crossdressers or T people believe that we have two souls within, that we have two distinct inhabitants within our brains fighting for control of our minds.

This is not a new way of thinking. Native American and many of the Polynesian or Pacific Island people have recognized this concept in respect of certain people for thousands of years.

To varying degrees, almost all of us who dress have both male and female characteristics. Maybe they are inbuilt as a result of high levels of estrogen we received before birth, leaving major parts of our brains female, or maybe these characteristics have been continually developed over time—hence our forever present need to crossdress in our En Femme finery!

This idea is a topic I’ve often contemplated as, when the Pink Mist descends or when we are all dressed up and looking and feeling good, almost all of us take on an alter ego. We become someone we are not in our everyday lives; we adopt a persona quite distinct from that which we present to the big, wide world on a daily basis.

In my own case, these differences are so pronounced, my psyche so completely different, that I have come to refer to the situation as me and him—where me is the usually hidden, female part of my personality and psyche (yet the dominant one) and where him is the male face that I have to show on a daily basis to almost all of those who know me!

It’s not delusional. I just happen to have two very distinct souls within me—something I wouldn’t change for the world, mind you.

Let me give you some examples of what I mean.

Money Matters

When I think about him objectively, I know that he is frugal—some might say a little stingy, but I’d opt for frugal. Takes care of the money he has carefully accumulated over the years. Doesn’t really like spending much, just on the bare necessities of life. Will hesitate to buy anything out of the ordinary and likes to check around to make sure the price of anything he’s about to buy is competitive or at least very reasonable.

Me, on the other hand, can easily be seduced into buying things I want—not necessarily need but want. Oops! As with most girls, I think it’s fair to say, there are times when I have bought shoes or a top or a En Femme skirt, only to leave it in the wardrobe for weeks or maybe months after purchase: untouched, unworn, or untried. Even shopping in the supermarket for me or eating out in a restaurant usually results in expenditure greater in one session that it does for him for the whole week. He really does like to keep his wallet in his pocket, but my purse seem forever open!

Clothes and Shoes

Well don’t get me started on to clothes! He is content to wear things until they are about to expire. Tee shirts and trousers usually have to be faded and worn 50 times or more; shoes probably split and unpolished, really on their last legs before he will change them.

Me, on the other hand, has a very, very extensive array of clothes (En Femme dresses, skirts, tops, all shiny and fairly new, all well maintained, washed, and pressed). There are so many clothes, in fact, that when I look at my wardrobe space, I estimate no more than 10-15% of the total wardrobe and storage space I have is occupied by him. The rest is mine—uh oh, something is amiss here!

Demeanor and Overall Behavior

He has always been the one who was on the periphery of things, never quite at the center, not quite the leader, but a good, reliable second-in-command. Sometimes almost seemingly invisible, he might avoid going to gatherings or parties or socializing with others, preferring his own company and doing his own thing.

Me? I think you can guess! Far more gregarious, far more outgoing, I love to see and be seen. I love nothing better than being the center of attention and drawing looks of admiration and compliments (yet without being self-centered, overly vain, or egotistical—really). I just like to be noticed!

So, in summary, we have him: frugal, dressing down, and retiring… And me: loves to buy things (needed or not); always well dressed with a very large wardrobe; outgoing and gregarious.

Now it’s your turn. Tell me all about the key differences you become aware of when you compare your presentation or character difference in everyday life with your alter ego.

Please, whatever you do, don’t tell me it’s only me who has two such distinct personalities within one body!

Looking forward to all of your comments!


  • Susan

    I am a T-girl who has been legally female for 7 years, but I still find Scott encroaching on my life occasionally, What is he doing there? I am a woman damn it I don't need this. Scott is the competitive one Susan loves cooperation, why can't we all just get along. Your him is much like Scott and Susan loves clothes shoes (I can't indulge there due to medical complications) I enjoy the spotlight. So you are not alone.

  • Elena

    I agree. She comes to me and catchs me. Lost in my dream, she guides where I should go. I look myself in a mirror where she appears again. Ain't sunshine when she's gone, because I wait the next when we'll meet again. In the morning, I'm dull because I obey everry rules but, at the night, my sould changes in a person who is very successful, socialble and charming.
    Both of me are one in a kind and so we're living in a perfect armony.
    My best wishes,

  • Duane

    I believe that I have two souls in me ,my male side does not care about style. My female side loves style and is more calm and caring

  • maria

    hi, and thank you so much for your articles. i too as a transgender girl have had the me and him feelings. so this makes me feel not alone.

  • carl/colleen

    o my that hit home the last dress i bought havent even warn yet& boots that only used once /me . the other hand have pants & shoes i need to throw out /him.

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