Confidence—it’s just a ten letter word!
As we all know, us girls in the T-community tend to be quite generous, some would say lavish, when it comes to ourselves. We quite happily buy that new dress, that new pair of shoes, breast forms, corsets, even make-up, on a “wants” not necessarily a “needs” basis!
That’s all fine as, naturally, we do have to try and look our best for every occasion.
Yet there are some things none of us can purchase, no matter how much available money or resources we have. And, perhaps, one of the most important of all things is tantalisingly out of reach for many of us… yes, that’s right, c-o-n-f-i-d-e-n-c-e.
As many of us do, we can spend hours getting ready to go out to a function, an event or just to meet friends in a restaurant. We spend a long time making sure our En Femme Fashions look just right, our hair perfect; spend an hour in front of the mirror checking and rechecking our foundation, blusher, eyeliner and our overall appearance. But think about going out and still the butterflies in our stomach twitch and tingle. Still our nerves jangle and send shivers of fear, trepidation, maybe nervous anticipation, across our shoulders and deep down the small of our backs.
With a lot of practice, many of us have been able to attain an appearance of almost physical perfection, attain a level of excellence in our dressing so that, on the face of it, to any outsider we look like a “typical” woman, look like the epitome of femininity; yet still the missing ingredient, confidence, isn’t there.
Overcoming Your Fears
How many times before leaving home dressed have we all fretted for half an hour or more about stepping out into the big, wide world? How many times have we all sat in our cars for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 30 minutes trying to get the courage to open the car door and stride purposefully and confidently into the shopping centre (or any other destination). How many times have we taken a deep, deep breath…, puffed out our cheeks and let the air accumulated in our mouths exhale slowly, very slowly as we fight to conquer the nerves which seem to be consuming us?
I don’t know about you but, in the early days when I first started going and about, I used to be almost a nervous wreck before leaving the safety of my home or wherever else I was. The tension, the self-induced stress was immense—but I knew I had to go, knew I had to leave my safety zone (simply because deep down I wanted to or, should I say, felt compelled to do so). I felt I looked good, looked seriously passable—and all I lacked was confidence.
Then, almost overnight I found what I was looking for; don’t ask me how but I did. Confidence flooded through me, touched every part of my body—almost as if I had had an awakening!
So, whilst some of these next few comments may seem pretty obvious, amongst other things, I realised that if I dressed appropriately for my age (including wearing the right wig) and my build; plus adopted the mannerisms of a female in terms of walking, sitting and general body language, then no-one would pay any attention to me.
I finally accepted that most people are too engrossed in themselves, their partners, their friends (or more so, these days, their smartphones) to pay other people that much attention. I also finally understood that, whilst many women will give you a cursory glance, they are simply checking you out, looking at your nails, your hair, your clothes—to see if, subconsciously, you present any competitive threat to them and/or their man!
I learned to revel being in crowds, the more people the better—quite simply, in such situations most people don’t look directly at you (unless, of course you are teetering on 6” heels in a micro mini skirt and caked in heavy make-up in the middle of the town centre at noon on a very hot day!) and their expectation levels of actually coming across a T person in a typical public setting are very low.
So, just like the ingredients of different types of cakes will vary, what makes up the magical confidence for each and every one of us will vary. But always remember, once you have “it”, your T life will suddenly have another dimension or two—and, after all, it’s only a ten letter word!