Changing Back: The Disappointment After the Euphoria

Changing Back: The Disappointment After the Euphoria

Changing Back: The Disappointment After the Euphoria

When you have spent a few days or a week, or maybe even longer, eagerly looking forward to the precious, precious time when you can crossdress and be the real you…

When you have experienced the unforgettable euphoria that only crossdressing in one of your En Femme outfits can bring…

When you have enjoyed the highs and the complete contentment that results once you reveal your feminine personality—resplendent in her fine clothes, beautiful make up, shoes, accessories and wig—for as long as you could…

Then, what happens when it’s time to change back to drab? When it’s time to slowly, reluctantly, piece by piece, dismantle your alter ego, stripping away your female persona layer by layer, until all that’s left is…Urgh! Him!

To me, it hardly bears thinking about.

Yet it’s something we have to do, unless we are one of the lucky ones who can stay dressed as a woman every day and forever. We have to revert back and face the world in our male persona. We have to present our false image to those who know us best—friends, family, and colleagues. We have to go back to maintaining the facade of the pretense that we lead.

Who hasn’t woken up on a typical Monday morning with the equivalent of a major hangover or flu symptoms after happily spending the last 60 hours or so, from the previous Friday night, crossdressed and living as a woman?

You’ll easily recognize the withdrawal symptoms I’m talking about: torso numb—just as if an elephant had been sitting on it all night—with leaden arms and legs. Sometimes there’s a severe pain, emanating from a point somewhere around the centre of the back of your neck, searing into your skull.

You shake your head to convince yourself that the intense pain, now sitting squarely in the center of your head, hasn’t been a figment of your imagination and gingerly open your eyes again with an “Ugh, deary me.” What gross feelings. Then you yawn as the slow realization courses through you that, despite your inner denials, the cause of your current, unpleasant discomfort originates from the source of the greatest pleasure in your life—your crossdressing.

I guess you’d call it a paradox.

Crossdressing is one of the most important things in many of our lives (I dare you to deny it). It’s something that keeps us going, keeps us intoxicated, keeps us forever looking forward to the next time, the next weekend or any spare moment when we can escape from the world which we are forced to inhabit in a persona which does not represent the complete us.

So, when we reach this state of mind that crossdressing induces, this peak of our nirvana (and all crossdressers will know what I mean) we want time to drag by slowly—no pun intended. We want the night (or day) to never end and feel as if we want to be a woman forever.

I think it’s becoming clearer then why this leads to the symptoms I mentioned above. You can guess why we feel so ghastly once we change back to drab, whether we have been dressed for an hour or a day or longer.

Actually, it’s quite simple really. Anyone who experiences a euphoric high—a peak of feelings of such magnificence, a high point most ordinary people cannot ever hope to attain—must experience a downer once the euphoria is over. They must experience some form of withdrawal from the pleasures they’ve just experienced. They must subconsciously allow their body and brain to retreat from the highs.

Most crossdressers after the event retreat into a daze of disappointment, a fog of denial, a state where the mind is relatively numb—and the brain and body aches for recommencement of the previous experiences.

And many of us are like the proverbial alcoholic or drug user. We begin to crave the next fix, the next time. Because the only cure is to dig out one of our En Femme outfits and dress again… and again… and for longer than the last time.

Who knows, maybe we’ll do it until there are no time periods between the changes from male to female and back again, until there’s no need to change back to the dreaded male mode.

And the feeling of having the post-dressing blues will be banished forever!

Why? Because many of us, deep in our hearts, simply don’t want to change back!


  • Dani

    When I transitioned back in 2012 from male to female, I transitioned back 3 times to give my kids a chance to say goodbye to the man they knew as their father. I wanted to keep doing that indefinitely, but the fourth time I put on a suit my skin felt as if there were spiders crawling all over me. I could get it off fast enough, I didn't stop panicking until I put my panties and a bra back on. It was then that I knew that I would be risking psychological damage if I did not cement my gender identity. For those living the dual life, I know the thought of transitioning permanently is terrifying. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. But one day your sanity is going to depend on permanently and publicly embracing your true self. If you are feeling anything like the person in the feature article, the clock is already ticking. Despite what you hear in the media the atmosphere is more receptive than before. You may encounter backlash often from those who you think love you the most. Then again you may find a wellspring of support where you thought you would least find it. I've been out for four years. I have my regrets, but given the chance to do it again, I would have done it 20 years earlier. The peace of mind is immeasurable.

  • Rodney

    This is all new to me but by time I was the age 3 years old I had feelings emotions that deep in my mind I was a little baby girl. I wanted my mommy to dress me in little girly dresses and little white patent strappy sandals. But was to scared to tell mommy what I was truly feeling in this little baby boys mind I always loved the feeling of satin touching my skin. I am now 62 years old and feel like a women trap in a man body. The older I get the feelings of being a women only get stronger.

  • Elena

    Honesty, I feel euphoria when I 've got someone decieved with my pictures as a woman. Ocasionally, I've failt and so I've got annoyed. However, I always count down the days seaking the next time she comes to my mind. It's like the song "ain't sunshine whe she's gone". The periods to do it again are shorter but I'm able to control me.
    Thanks a lot for your attention.
    My best wishes
    Elena (cautivadulce).

  • Katie

    Given no other constraints, if you dress for an hour, day or weekend then voluntarily change back to drab and go about your life you are a crossdresser. If you dress and would stay that way forever you are probably trans (although I sometimes think we are all trans to a degree). Unfortunately most of us have too many constraints; wives, families, jobs and communities that do not accept or approve of what makes us whole.

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