Sexuality and the Crossdresser
As more and more people have come to appreciate and accept over recent years, gender is not binary and there are far more shades of gender than simply “1” and “0” or “man” and “woman.”
Many of the myriad of sexual preferences and orientations have long been well-known. Although, there are still certain personal choices that remain rigidly opposed by some less-than-open-minded people; notwithstanding, it really is none of their business what consenting adults do behind the proverbial closed doors!
However, even for enlightened, liberal-thinking people, issues of gender and sexuality can be confusing—not only because there are so many options but, in reality, many people are truly not sure about their own sexual preferences and/or gender. Many people are not 100% of one gender!
So if you don’t know yourself, how can others?
The interpretation of a typical gender/sexuality matrix seems to be forever changing and we have new terms such as gender fluid entering into our vocabulary and everyday usage: a sign if there ever was one that gender is variable and, to some people, depends on their mood on a certain day!
So, where do these changing times and mores leave us with regards to crossdressers?
Well, if you have seen or read the results of the surveys that have been conducted over the years with the help and input of crossdressers, you will be aware that a very high percentage of men who crossdress claim to be completely heterosexual. Some surveys put this figure at over 90%. This means that their declared sexual preference is to be with a woman when it comes to engaging in sexual acts; it’s just that they like to dress up partially in women’s clothes or fully crossdress in their En Femme finery and present as a woman now and then.
Given what’s going on with other sections of the transgender community (and the wider LGBT community), I would suggest that this self-reported high percentage of crossdressers being completely hetero is misleading for several key reasons:
- As with many facets of crossdressing, there is a significant element of denial involved. There can be denial of why we crossdress, denial that it is a sexual turn-on (certainly in the early stages of a crossdresser’s journey), or, as a consequence, denial of our sexuality. We simply don’t always like to admit that we are that much different from "normal" people (whoever they are!)
- Many crossdressers I have met will admit—at times somewhat reluctantly—that when they have been crossdressed, they have fantasized about being with a man or, if not definitely a man, an unknown, nameless, almost genderless person who can treat them as a woman, who can caress them and hold them, and who can admire them as a woman. And if things of a sexual nature were to happen… well, let them!
Many people will probably never act on—or have the opportunity to act out—such a fantasy. However, the fact that they have contemplated it—and if the chance really arose, they might take it—is enough to convince me that the number of crossdressers who are 100% hetero is not 100% of us!
Hands up, who hasn’t had a such a fantasy? I don’t see many hands out there! Come on!
- Then, we have the crossdresser who maintains he is straight, but who—while beautifully clad in his new En Femme dress—engages in sexual activity with other crossdressers or with one of the vast array of admirers who seems to be present when there are attractive CDs around.
Nothing wrong with all of this, of course, but there’s no real point to deny that one’s sexual preferences can change depending upon the clothes you wear and/or whether your presentation is male or female. There’s also no point in claiming that people can only be straight or gay, either! As we’ve known for years, people can be attracted to more than one gender. And, as we’re starting to more widely accept, these things are not black-and-white and can fluctuate depending on your mood or situation.
At the end of the day, you are what you are! There should be no guilt or shame attached to being a crossdresser. There should be no guilt or shame about wishing to engage in sexual relations with a man while you are presenting as a beautiful, feminine woman—or at any point!
As hard as it might be, we should simply own up to and accept the fact that none of us are 100% this or 100% that when it comes to gender and sexuality!